Broken
by Babbles B
Summary: When everything and everyone you love is taken away from you it hurts, and Bethany is no exception. Left broken and hard after her mother's murder she has to learn to love again. The Turtles are there to help her and she begins to fall for two of the brothers. But when tragedy and death befalls them will Bethany ever be able to heal? Or will she remain Broken? BEING REWRITTEN!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone, so this is my first TMNT Fan Fic so if things are a little weird at first that's why. I really hope you guys will enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please Review and let me know what you guys think. :)**

**Thank you to Allison Jalexa for Beta Reading this and giving me ideas. And thank you to DarkUnderworld for inspiring me with her writing and giving me some great tips. **

**Disclaimer: I sadly don't own TMNT, just the OC's. (Bethany is actually me.) The story is set in the 2003 universe.**

**Rated M for minor language, talk about rape, and minor sex scene.**

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**Prologue:**

"No! Get away, please! Just leave me alone!" I pleaded my voice thick with fear as I backed away into a dark corner of the alleyway. I could feel my knees collapsing under the stare of the man holding a gun to my head. His bloodshot eyes burned with an evil look as he cackled, finding my distress amusing. He blew a puff of smoke in my face from his cigar that he now held between his cracked and bloody lips. My eyes stung from the smoke, and I wrinkled my nose at the smell of alcohol that was heavy in his breath.

"I have spent the last two years tracking you down and now you will pay for what you did to me." He pointed at the scar on his face. "Now do as I say or be shot!" The words slurred together and he pulled his finger back and I heard the familiar click of the gun as it loaded, ready to fire if he pulled the trigger.

"I will never go back with you!" I tried to say firmly but I knew my voice and actions where failing me as I felt my lip quiver. I was too terrified of this man to really resist him, and he knew that.

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**Chapter One**

Everyone, as I have come to realize, is or has been broken in different ways. Some heal and carry on, some carry on but never truly heal, and then there are those that never really do anything. They just continue to wander the earth carrying their broken pieces with them, holding it all inside until they either die or someone comes along who can heal them, or force them to deal with it. The Turtles have made me come to terms with my brokenness and taught me how to deal with it. You see my life has never been an easy one and my childhood was filled with more pain and abuse than anyone should ever have to go through in a lifetime. When I was six years old I lost my mother to murder and in a way I also lost my father that day, along with any joy I had. But before I continue I will go back to the day when I first met the Turtles.

"Mom? What's going on? I had the strangest dream." I mumbled opening my eyes to see four giant turtles and a rat staring at me. "AHHH!" I screamed.

"Hey! You're awake. You like totally fainted after we saved you and kicked serious foot butt." The turtle with an orange mask and blue eyes said leaning over me.

"Who and what the heck are you?" I asked in fear as I surveyed the room.

"We're Turtles! I'm Michelangelo." The turtle who'd spoken before piped up.

"Manners Michelangelo." A stern voice spoke and came forward. "She could still be in shock after what just happened." He leaned on his cane and stroked his beard thoughtfully.

"You're, you're a rat." I said in disbelief.

"That is correct my dear. My name is Master Splinter and you are?"

"My, my name is Bethany, but everyone calls me Beth…" I replied slowly.

"Well Bethany I don't mean to be so abrupt but we have never revealed ourselves to a human before."

"Oh don't worry, I won't tell anyone about you guys. I have no one to tell anyway. Besides they won't believe me even if I did. But if you don't mind me asking, who are all of you and how did you get like this? I mean you're talking and huge." I asked, starting to relax a little when I realized they would do me no harm.

"Well let me tell you a story that started many years ago in ancient Japan. I was a regular rat running around the street

until I was found by a man named Yoshi. He kept me as his pet rat and I watched him train in Ninjitsu. Mimicking his movements from my cage I learned the martial art and I was happy. Until one fateful day when Master Yoshi's mortal enemy; the Shredder came and attacked him. Yoshi fought honorably but was overpowered and killed. My poor little rat heart broke and I managed to escape my cage and though I could not stop the Shredder I left my mark. I scratched his face leaving a big scar on his face and in return he cut a part of my ear off." He paused to show me his ear and half of it was missing. Then he cleared his throat and continued. "Now I was a rat without a home, a name, and a family. I left the home of my master Yoshi; saddened, and watched as it went up in flames. I wandered the sewers aimlessly for weeks after that until I ended up in New York City."

"That's so sad Master Splinter." I sympathized. "What ever happened to the Shredder?" I asked leaning forward, now eager to hear the rest of his story.

"That's the rest of the story, now 17 years ago I saw a little boy holding 4 baby turtles in a jar. They were all waiting to cross the street but one old lady tried to cross the street and a big truck with the letters TCRI came rushing around the corner. A man ran to stop the lady knocking the turtles from the boy's hands. The jar fell and shattered. The truck swerved and a canister with green ooze fell out of the truck. The canister and baby turtles fell down to the sewers. I went to investigate and found them covered in the glowing ooze. I gathered them up into a coffee can and took them back to my home. The next morning I awoke to find that I'd doubled in size as had the turtles. In the weeks that followed we continued to grow in size and intelligence. I was able to walk upright on two paws and talk, soon the baby turtles where walking and talking as well. And so I decided to keep them and raise them as my sons and teach them the art of Ninjitsu. I named each of them after my favorite Italian artisans." He pointed at the turtle in blue who was standing in the corner arms crossed carefully surveying the scene with steady, blue eyes. "That is my eldest son Leonardo." He nodded at me and uncrossed his arms. "This is my second oldest son Raphael." He said and the turtle in red smirked and continued to spin his blades, a scowl on his face as he glared with his deep brown eyes. "And then we have Donatello." The taller turtle in purple waved and smiled at me, he had dark, intelligent brown eyes and a gap between his teeth. "And finally we have Michelangelo, the youngest and most mischievous of my sons." He said and smiled a knowing smile. Michelangelo grinned at this and I saw a twinkle in his baby blue eyes.

"Nice to meet you all." I said somewhat shyly but urged Master Splinter to continue.

"In the years that followed my sons grew in strength and skill in martial arts. Sooner than I had hoped they encountered the Shredder and our battles began. Not too long ago we defeated him and he is exiled and in the good hands of the Utroms."

"Who are the Utroms?" I asked.

"I will have to explain that some other time, but for now I have to ask what all you remember about this afternoon?"

"I was running an errand for- for my friends when this lady and a bunch of her followers came out and started attacking me. She looked familiar but I'm not sure how. And I guess that's where you guys came and then I fainted." I replied carefully.

"That is Karai that you met and I believe you met her eleven years ago when you were only a child. You had a little sister and you lost your mother that day, didn't you?" he prodded thoughtfully, studying my face.

Recollections of that dreaded day rushed back, I could still clearly see that the women I had encountered today was the same person who killed my mother all those years ago. I could see my mother lying in a pool of blood and heard the soul shattering scream of my 6-year-old self as I watched her die. "Who is this Karai?" I asked shakily, trying to compose myself. "And how do you know all this?"

"Karai is Shredders daughter and a real bi-" Raphael spoke up angrily.

"Silence Raphael!" Master Splinter interrupted him; he growled and crossed his arms again. "She is the Shredders daughter and has taken his place in his exile." Master Splinter replied, ignoring the second part of my question.

"Sensei we have to stop her, she has gotten out of control." Leonardo piped up.

Stroking his beard thoughtfully Splinter spoke. "Perhaps you are right my son. I will see what I can do, but for now I suggest you all get some rest." He turned to me now. "Do you have somewhere else you can go my dear, your father perhaps?"

"I, uh, I have no father. He is dead." I replied.

"You don't have any parents?" Mikey asked, concern and compassion in his innocent, baby blue eyes.

I smiled a little at this. "No, I have no parents or a family. I haven't had one for several years."

"That's so sad, but you could live with us! We could be your family!" Michelangelo cried excitedly. "Oh please Master Splinter? Could she live here?"

"She can't just stay here! We don't know anything about her!" Raphael growled.

"Raphael! That is not for you to decide."

"I don't want to cause any trouble, I will go back home if you don't want me to stay."

"I want you to stay! Please master?" Mikey pleaded.

"Well she may choose to stay if she wishes, and I think it would be wise that she stay since Karai is still clearly after her." He replied and turned to me. "Bethany you can stay here if you would like."

"I, I would like that very much, thank you." I said genuinely.

"Then it is settled, you will stay here as long as you want or at least until it is safe for you to leave." Master Splinter finalized and Mikey jumped up and down excitedly.

"Ahh," Raphael growled and left the room in a huff. Leo turned to go after him but Splinter waved at him to let his brother go.

"Now, I will go and prepare your room and please make yourself at home. You are family now." He said and then left the room.

Family? I don't even know what that word means anymore…

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**So yeah, that's Chapter one. I hope you guys enjoyed and will keep reading. Please Review and let me know what you think. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yay! Chapter Two is out right away! Again Huge thank you to Allison Jalexa for Beta Reading this really **

**quickly and for giving me great ideas.**

**Thank you everyone else for reading this and again, please review and let me know what you think so far. **

**Thanks a bunch! ~Babbles**

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**Chapter Two**

"Who wants pizza?!" Mikey yelled from the kitchen.

"I do!" the others yelled and ran to the kitchen and sitting down at the table took some pizza and ate it

quickly. I followed quietly and sat down looking at the table in silence not eating anything.

"Are you going to eat anything Bethany?" Leo asked, noticing me.

"It's really good." Mikey said taking a huge bite.

"And you need food after all you've been through today." Donatello pointed out.

"Uh, is it safe to eat?" I asked suspiciously, examining it carefully.

"Course it is!" Raph said gruffly. "I'll prove it to you." He took my piece of pizza and took a bite out of it. "See, totally

fine."

I picked up a piece of pizza gingerly and took a small bite, it was so good. "This is actually really good." I took another

bite.

"See, told you so. Sides, do you think we would go to all the trouble saving you only to kill you with bad pizza?" Raphael

pointed out. There was a hard edge to his tone and I knew he didn't like or trust me. And although I could tell he wasn't

the kind of guy that would easily trust people I wanted to know more about him, I wanted to earn his trust.

"Bethany? Bethany?" a voice said.

I snapped out of my trance at hearing my name. "Huh? Yes?" I said, it was Master Splinter that spoke next, I hadn't

even notice him come in the room.

"I have made up your room Bethany; my sons will show you where it is." He now addressed his sons. "Please make her

feel at home, she has a hard day and I expect you all to be nice." Turning his attention once again to me he spoke

again. "Please make yourself at home, treat us as you would your family. Now I am going to lie down, I have an awful

headache. Goodnight my sons and goodnight Bethany, try to get some sleep."

"Thank you Master Splinter." I thanked him and gave him a smile.

"This is soo cool! I've always wanted a sister! Besides Raphy-Boy here I mean." Michelangelo said patting Raphael one

the back.

SMACK! Raphael hit him on the head and frowned.

"Oww." Mikey rubbed his head. "Some people can't take a joke." I giggled at this but felt Raph's eyes glaring at me so I

stopped.

"Do you want a tour of the Lair Bethany?" Leonardo asked.

"Sure."

"Cool. When I'm done showing you around the rest of you can show her stuff." Leo said and I stood up and followed him

as he began to show me around. He took me to the Dojo first and showed me his weapons and how to use them.

"Here try this." He handed one to me and I copied his moves. "Not bad." He complemented.

"If you think that's good watch this." I smirked and waved the sword around in some impressive way.

"Where did you learn to do that?" Leo asked astonished.

"Uh, Taekwondo, I used to take it when I was younger. I'm a little rusty though and probably couldn't do much more

nowadays." I lied.

"Why'd you stop?"

"I'd rather not say." I confessed.

"Ok. Would you be interested in learning some Ninjitsu though? I could talk to Splinter about it."

"Uhh, I'll have to think about it..." I said slowly, trying to block out the memories that where suddenly flooding back.

"Ok? Are you alright?" Leo asked, studying my face.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Leooo! Stop hogging Bethany. It's my turn to show her stuff." Mikey whined, sticking his head in the doorway.

"Coming Mikey! Thanks for letting me use your swords Leo." I turned and went after Mikey leaving Leonardo standing

alone with a confused look on his face.

"So this is the living room with the big TV, and these are my video games. You can play them too if you want." Mikey

said showing me his collection of video games and movies.

"Cool, you've got Call of Duty! I used to play that with my dad all the time..." I said sadly.

"Don't be sad B-H. Besides I saved the best thing for last."

"B-H?" I asked confused.

"Yeah, that's my nickname for you cause your name starts with a B and our last name starts with H and you have an H

in your name…"

"I got it, thanks Mikey. I like it; I've never had a nickname before." I smiled.

"Well I am the best at naming stuff. Now meet my toes!" he held up his foot. "These are my toes, we've got the Stinky

Triplets, Stubby, Joey Nails, and-"

I interrupted him. "Uhh, that's cool Mikey but I think it's Donatello's turn to show me stuff."

"Alright." He said and took me to Donnie's lab.

"Hey Beth, are you ready to see my inventions?" Don asked, removing his safety goggles and walking over to me and

Michelangelo.

"Sure." I replied smiling.

"Neat!" he cried excitedly. He led me around and showed me his armored car, and the shell phones, and the T-Pod, and

so much more. After about 30 minutes of this I was getting bored and truthfully tired. The events of the day

where wearing on me.

"These are all really cool Donnie, but I'm getting tired. Do you mind if we stop here and you can show me

some more stuff later?" I asked yawning.

"Of course. Sorry if I bored you though, I tend to get carried away."

"It's ok Donnie. Some of your inventions are really cool. And I really am getting sleepy." I assured him.

"Well follow me then." He led the way to a spare room with a bed and a bathroom.

"Thanks Donatello, tell the others thanks and goodnight?"

"Will do. Goodnight, sleep well." Don said and closed my door.

I started to think about Leo's offer to learn Ninjitsu… "I couldn't do that, after what happened last time…"I thought

sadly. "No! Stop it Beth! That was the past and it wasn't your fault! It wasn't…" I fought with myself and pushed the

memories back and curled up in a ball and fell into a restless sleep, haunted by nightmares and a past I couldn't seem to

escape from.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much Allision Jalexa for Beta Raeding this so quickly. You are amazing! **

**And thank you everyone else for reading.**

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**Chapter Three**

I awoke the next morning bright and early and got dressed and went out to find everyone in the dojo training. I leaned on the doorframe observing them practice and watched as Raphael easily punched through some boards. The shattered pieces flew across the room and the splintered remains littered the floor like a first snow covers the ground. I had remained unnoticed until this point but Raph turned to the doorway and said.

"Hey, you're up."

The others paused what they were doing to look at me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your training." I apologized and turned to leave but Splinter stopped me.

"It is alright, you did not interrupt anything. But Leonardo tells me that you have some skill with a sword. I wish to see what you can do, do you mind showing us?" Splinter asked, leaning on his cane attentively.

"Uh, I guess I could show you." I agreed reluctantly. I walked up to Leo and taking one of his swords in hand I stepped into the middle of the room and closed my blue eyes for a minute and breathed in deep. And then I allowed my body to remember the movements as it once several years ago. Stepping and slashing, retreat and block, counter and strike, my motions and the sword seemed to flow as easily as water in a stream. But then I tripped on my feet and his katana flew from my hand and headed straight for Raphael. He caught it easily and laughed as I picked myself up from the floor.

"Yeah, she's got skill alright." He said mockingly. I frowned and turned slightly pink at his remark.

"That was good my dear, how long has it been since you trained?" Splinter asked ignoring Raphael's comment.

"I started when I was 10 and quit when I was 15." I replied.

"You've got talent, would you be interested in continuing your training? I could teach you along with my sons if you wish."

"No thank you." I said quickly as thoughts ran to the front of my mind. "Bethany! Help me, you have to do something!" a voice yelled. I pushed that out of my mind.

"How come you don't want to train with us Bethany?" Mikey asked.

"I just don't so can we drop it please? I'm thankful that you guys have been so hospitable but I just don't want to so can we just forget about it?" I yelled irritably. I saw Raphael raise an eyebrow at this and he crossed his arms.

"Yeah, sorry. We didn't mean to make you so upset." Mikey apologized.

I calmed down and looked ashamed. "No I'm sorry; I didn't mean to lash out at you like that."

"It is alright, we will not press the matter any further." Master Splinter said. "Now, shall we continue with our lesson?"

"Uh, yes." Leo said still puzzling over my reaction.

"Well don't let me keep you any longer." I said and took my leave.

The rest of the day just kinda went by but I couldn't stop thinking about my past. And I was furious that I'd allowed these people to open up the gates that had been holding back those memories for 2 years. But I was even angrier at Karai for ruining my life and taking everyone I loved away from me. Now that I finally knew who she was and that something could be done I wanted the Turtles to do something about her, but I said nothing.

That night I went to the kitchen for a glass of water, and overheard Raphael talking to Master Splinter about me in the next room. I listened carefully as they spoke.

"How long are we going to keep her here Sensei? She don't belong here and I don't trust her."

"She will stay here until she wishes to leave and it is safe for her to do so. And why do you not trust her?" Splinter asked calmly.

"I don't know, but she's hiding stuff. Like this afternoon, she clearly has had lots of training in martial arts and she just quits. And then she don't even want to explain herself and snaps at Mikey."

"I have a feeling that she has gone through something that made her quit martial arts and the opportunity to continue have brought up some raw feelings. And hiding it is easier than dealing with it, as you well know my son. And I understand if that has to do with some of your mistrust, but give her a chance-"

"That has nothing to do with it Sensei!" Raph interrupted angrily. I raised an eyebrow at this but listened still.

Master Splinter put a hand on his shoulder. "I understand you being cautious to trust humans again but do try to give her a chance. I get the feeling you will end up getting along just fine." He said with a twinkle in his old, wise eyes.

"And whys that?" Raph asked crossing his arms.

"She has a fiery side and a temper much like yours my son." He replied with a lighter tone.

"Humph." Raphael grunted, rolling his eyes at this.

"Now go and get some rest, it is late and practice is early tomorrow."

"Yes Sensei." Raph bowed and walked out of the room in a huff. He was so distracted that he didn't even notice me standing quietly in the shadows. My blue eyes followed him as he walked away into his room. I sighed, and finished my water.

"I should just get out of here…" I thought sadly but shook that feeling away and went to bed. I tried to think about how the others liked me and wanted me around, but it did no good. All I could think about was Raphael and his hatred for me.

When I awoke the next morning it was 8:00 and I knew the guys would be done practice by now. "Good." I thought, now they can't bother me about martial arts again. I got up, had a shower, threw on my favorite jeans and sweater and went to find everyone else. The kitchen was empty except for Raph and Master Splinter, but Raphael got up and left when I entered the kitchen. I sat down and sighed at this. "Why does he hate me Master Splinter?" I asked tracing a groove in the table with my finger slowly.

"Raphael does not hate you my dear. He has trouble trusting people and he has to see if you can be trusted."

"Have I done something to make him not trust me?" I questioned looking up at Splinter intently.

"You haven't done anything except for being yourself and being a human. He'll come around if you give him time and some space." He assured me.

I nodded, understanding the meaning behind his words and thought of the conversation I had overheard the night before…

Raph had gone through something as well and for some reason that made me feel better. My thoughts would have continued to spin and unravel themselves if I hadn't been brought back to earth at the sound of my name.

"Huh?" I said, unaware of whom was talking or what they said.

It was Mikey. "Hey Beth! Do you want to come and play M.W.F. with me? I got some new maps." A hopeful look filled his innocent face and I grinned.

"Sure Mikey." I thanked Splinter and went to play with Michelangelo.

That afternoon at lunch I sat quietly while the guys talked and ate spaghetti. They talked briefly about Karai but didn't really say much else about her. I was getting frustrated; I wanted to deal with her now. I wanted her dead too, and I wanted out of here. The guys had been good to me and I'd had some fun but this wasn't home and I didn't belong here. I wasn't sure I belonged anywhere but I definitely didn't belong here. And after years of trying to forget my mistake all their martial arts stuff was bringing it all back. "Excuse me." I injected. They turned their heads to me. "What are you going to do about Karai?"

"We aren't sure. What till she finds us or we find her I guess." Leo replied casually like it was no big deal.

"But she has to be dealt with! You're just going to sit back and let her get away with murder like it's no big deal?!" I was angry now and could feel my hatred for her burning deeper in my heart, and my eyes ablaze with furry.

"Yes she does have to be stopped but we can't just run out and attack her. Karai is smart and heavily armed. And she has more power than her father did, we have to time this right and plan carefully. That takes time and patience." Donatello offered.

"She took everything and everyone I loved!" I yelled. I was too angry to stay at the table so I got up and ran from the room and exited the lair. I ran as fast as I could out of the sewers. I could hear footsteps quickly catching up with me and I didn't care. They couldn't keep me down here and I was too angry to listen to reason.

"Bethany! Wait up." It was Leonardo's voice calling after me. I ignored him still and made my way to the surface and onto the rooftop it opened up too. I sat on the edge of the roof and looked down over the edge. I heard him stop a few feet away from me and we stayed like that not saying anything for a few minutes until my fury had subsided and I turned to face him.

Taking this as his cue to say something he opened his mouth and started to speak. "Hey, I know your angry and want some kind of closure on your mother's death but being rash isn't going to help." He said gently.

"I know…" I said slowly and intently studied the design of the rooftop. "But part of me wants to see her suffer; I want to hurt her, like…"

"Like she's hurt you?" Leo added quietly.

"Yeah…" I whispered and a single tear worked its way down my pale face and fell into a mop of brown curls. I wiped it away with the corner of my sleeve.

"If it makes you feel any better Master Splinter has talked about going to our friends and asking for help. He just didn't want to say anything yet." Leo offered.

"But you just told me?" I said and smiled a little at this.

"Yeah but at this point I think he would be okay with it and it made you smile so that makes it worth it too."

I blushed at this and teasingly punched him in the shoulder, but stopped when I realized what I'd done. I had performed this punch a hundred times and knew exactly what nerve to hit so that their whole arm goes numb. I regretted it as soon as I saw the surprised look in Leo's face before he composed himself again. The same steady and observant look filled his eyes again as he searched my face. He was about to say something when his phone rang.

"Donnie? Calm down, I can't understand you." Leo said and listened for a minute. "I'm on my way." He slammed the phone down and before I could protest he was sweeping me up into a firm grasp and running back home.

"Leo, what's wrong? Why are we running so faasst?" The last word dragged on as I clung to him in fear as he leaped off the building, my heart racing in my chest.

"It's Master Splinter! Something's wrong!" Leo's usual calm and collective voice was suddenly laced with fear and I could sense his worry. I felt a sudden pang of fear in my own heart but remained silent as Leo continued to race home and carried me in his steady arms.


	4. Chapter 4

**Gosh Allison Jalexa, you are ridiculously fast at Beta Reading. Thank you so Much! **

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We burst into the lair a few minutes later and Leo put me down and raced over to Donatello who started talking rapidly. Saying something about him falling and being knocked unconscious and his heart beat slowing and some other stuff I didn't understand. Mikey was sitting on the couch being unusually quiet and his eyes were clouded with fear and he was twiddling his thumbs nervously. I couldn't see Raphael anywhere but from what id gathered he was probably elsewhere being angry and beating the crap outta someone to deal or not deal with his feelings. Running away from his problems and emotions, though I guess I shouldn't judge since I've been running from mine for years now.

Feeling in the way and awkward I backed away quietly and ended up in the Dojo. And as though in a haze, I wandered over to the punching bag and started to beat on it. I don't know how much time had passed but when I stopped punching my knuckles where bleeding and I felt a lump rise in my throat. I swallowed hard and realized that in the two days I'd been here I already cared about the Turtles and Master Splinter. That realization sent a ripple of fear throughout my body as I got a flashback to the last time I had allowed myself to care about another person since my mother's death.

_"Katie are you coming?" my younger self asked hurriedly. _

_"I'm coming; I just don't understand why you are suddenly in a rush." _

_"We need to get into a crowded area is all." I said, trying to sound calm. "And this is the fastest way." I pointed to an alleyway. _

_"Are you sure it's safe to go through an alley at night?" she asked cautiously. _

_"It'll be fine and besides, I can take care of us and I've got my knife with me." I convinced her assuredly. _

_"Alright." Katie agreed and we entered the alley. After hurriedly walking for a few minutes in silence she spoke. "So why are we going this way again?" _

_"Because it's the fastest way to get into the center of town and I don't have time to explain why." I tried to hurry her along and ignore what I was sure was footsteps behind us. _

_"What's going on Beth?" she stopped and crossed her arms stubbornly. _

_"Katie I can't tell you but trust me. We have to go, now!" fear laced my voice as I saw a shadow of a man coming toward us. My heart was racing now and I felt as if every inch of my body was paralyzed. _

"What are you doing in here!" a stern voice demanded, shaking me from my thoughts. I whirled around, fear still etched n my eyes and face. Though I hadn't realized it but I had turned white as a ghost and started to tremble. "Well!?" the voice said again and I saw the red turtle standing there with arms crossed and a look that could kill.

"I, I." I stammered unable to speak.

"Hey are you ok? You look as though you're about to be sick?" Raphael asked with slight concern creeping its way into his voice.

Still unable to talk I nodded and cleared my throat. "I'm fine." I managed to spit out. "I just, I have to go!" I mumbled and ran past him. He stood there confusion displayed across his green face as he watched me run away.

_"What's wrong with me! Have I learned nothing?!"_ I thought furiously. I was angry with myself for allowing the memories to flow and to cause a panic attack. I was angry with myself for allowing me to care about the turtles. And I was angry because they had made me realize that I wasn't any better today than I was two years ago. I had just hid everything, tucked it away until now.

"Are you okay Bethany?" Mikey asked, watching me.

"Huh?" asked, looking up. "Oh, yeah I'm ok."

"Well then you are fortunate. Raph is in a pissy mood and you were using his punching bag. Most people wouldn't have made it out alive." He joked, but there was a hint of truth behind his words. I walked over and sat beside him, we said nothing at first but I eventually spoke.

"Do you think Master Splinter will be okay?" I asked carefully.

"I hope so; I mean what would we do without Master Splinter?" Mikey pointed out. Before I could say anything else I heard Donnie calling for all of us to come, my heart skipped a beat as I feared the worst. Michelangelo and I hurried into Donnie's lab, quickly followed by Raphael.

"Is he going to be okay?" Mikey asked, concern and fear in his little face.

"Yes and no, he is going to live but we will have to keep a close eye on him and keep his stress levels lower. I believe his heart attack was caused by stress and this would explain why he was getting headaches so often," Donatello informed us. He was surprisingly calm and no emotions showed on his green face.

"So what does this mean?" Leo inquired.

"It means that we will have to not do things that will worry him, like less visits topside for a while, be more careful above, and try not to bother him with our concerns."

Before anyone else had a chance to say anything I spoke. "This is all my fault isn't it…?" I asked quietly, not really wanting to hear his answer.

"It's not your fault Beth, this may have been part of his stress but it's not your fault really." Donnie said carefully.

I nodded, understanding what he meant. "I'm sorry." I apologized.

"You don't have to be sorry-" Leo started to say but was cut off by Raphael.

"The hell she does! She just intrudes in our home, freaks out at Mikey, expects us to drop everything to go and fight an

enemy, and causes our father to nearly die! And you're going to say she aint at fault and don't have to be sorry!?" Raph barked, anger boiling up inside him.

"Raph!" Leo yelled.

"No Leo, he's right. It is my fault and I have stepped out of place after all you guys have done. I will leave, I'm just causing trouble and Raphael clearly doesn't want me here."

"But we want you here." Mikey said sadly.

"What about Karai? It's not safe for you to leave." Leo pointed out.

"I have taken care of myself just fine for eleven years Leo. And if she happens to get the better of me than I will be out of your misery and finally out of mine." I paused. "You guys only have each other; I don't want to take that away from you. I have no one and I don't need anyone either. So just don't worry about me and take care of yourselves. Goodbye and thanks for everything. Once again I'm sorry and maybe I will see you again, but don't come looking for me." I finished and ran out of the room before they could say anymore.

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**So that's Chapter Four, Thanks for reading and please Review. I'd really like to know what you guys think so far. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Again thank you Allision Jalexa for Beta Reading this so quickly. you are awesome and have been great to work with. :)**

**Warning! Self Harm scene, may be triggering. **

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**Chapter Five**

It had been a week since I left the turtles and I still couldn't decide if I'd made the right choice. A small sliver of my heart wanted to go back to the only friends I'd had in two years. It longed to be loved again; however the rest of my heart and mind knew better. Nothing good could come out of opening up to them and letting people back into my life. I didn't need them after all. I wrestled with myself for a while not realizing where or what I was doing. I ended up at the same alley I had stood in two years before with Katie, my best friend and 'sister'. Almost like in a haze I walked into the alley and traced my fingers aimlessly along the brick walls as single tear worked its way down my dirty cheek. I wiped it away and stared at the single drop of wetness on my fingers, glistening in the afternoon sun.

"Arghh!" 'Kick!' I cried out in frustration and anger and kicked the wall furiously. I kicked it once more for good measure, ignoring the throbbing pain in my foot. I leaned against the wall and slid to the ground. Resting my head in my knees I sat for a few moments before taking my knife out of my pocket. I looked at it and slowly ran my finger across the sharp blade. And then as I had done many times before I ran the knife across my arms, allowing the pain to soothe me. I watched as the crimson blood dripped satisfyingly onto the pavement. I put the knife away again and now sat disgusted with what I'd just done and was filled with anger at myself.

"What is wrong with me!?" I groaned and leaning my head back I closed my eyes and let more salty tears fall.

* * *

**A week before.**

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Leo, who didn't usually swear, demanded of his hot-headed brother.

"She coulda killed Masta Splinter Leo! She had to go!"

"That isn't your decision Raphael and you didn't have to be such an a-" he stopped short, unable to finish.

"What was that Leo? I didn't hear that last word?" Raphael sneered and got right up in Leo's face. "I may have been an Ass but it did the trick. She's gone and I don't care! If you wanna to go after her then fine. But I will have nothin to do with her!" He turned on his heel and stormed off towards the dojo.

"Do you think she'll come back Leo?" Mikey asked timidly, a small glimmer of hope on his face.

"I'm not sure Mikey." Leo said quietly. "What should we do about Master Splinter Donnie?"

"We'll he appears to have had a minor heart attack and I think he is ok now but I can't care for him here. He needs fresh open air." Don said and started to pace.

"We could take him up to the Daimyo's place." Leo suggested. "It's has lots of fresh air, the Daimyo has a magic healer and we know he would be safe there."

"That's a good idea; I will call him and arrange the details." Donatello said and started to get to work. Mikey and Leo left the room and heard the familiar thump, punch, whack, of the punching bag. They decided to leave him alone and busied themselves elsewhere.

As the week went on Master Splinter was sent to live with the Daimyo until he was well enough to return home. Leo, Donnie, and Mikey continued to carry on as normal, practising early in the morning and going for nighttime runs and training sessions. Raphael however, remained in a state of anger and resentment. Blaming Leo for convincing Master Splinter to let Bethany stay causing his heart attack. He hardly ate during the week and the only time he talked to his brothers was to yell and fight with them. Leo obviously the most, by the end of the week Leo had had enough of Raphael's behaviour and told him to smarten up or leave. Raphael stormed out of the lair and over to Casey's and stayed there for three days.

* * *

I sat in the alley for a while longer and decided to go and find Tunga. I knew he would be mad at me for failing my mission and not showing up at the meeting. I wandered over to the abandoned car shop on the edge of town and heard shouting from inside. I gave the signal to the posted guards and entered. Tunga saw me immediately and a scowl filled his face and he marched over with two other heavily guarded gang members.

"Where the F*** have you been?! Kyle and Angel got arrested because of you and now you've been gone for over a week!" He crossed his heavily tattooed arms and raised a pierced eyebrow at me.

"I was attacked by the same people that took my mother from me eleven years ago before I could finish the deal. And those costume freaks where there with their rat master. Anyway, I was knocked out and the police came and took me to the hospital. I couldn't get out till now." I lied smoothly.

"We'll your still going to have to be punished." Tunga said fiercely.

"We'll before you decide that take this." I tossed him a bag and he caught it easily. Opening the bag a surprised and impressed look entered his face before it returned to his usual scowl.

"Where did you get this?" He demanded.

"I went back to where I was jumped and found the loot. And you'll find that along with the money there is also some information on where you can find those turtles that keep interfering."

"We'll considering your treading on thin ice you'd better tell me where!" He growled getting into my face.

"I will tell you... on one condition." I crossed my arms defiantly and smirked.

"We'll make it snappy." Tunga demanded.

"You let me quit the gang and I will swear not to tell a soul about any of this. And I will tell you where you can find the turtles."

"Agreed, now spill!" He demanded.

"We'll in the center of town there is a sewer grate that has unusual markings. Follow the tunnel straight until you get to a fork. Go right until you get to a dead end. On the wall feel around until you feel a brick that is different. Push it and you will find the turtle's lair." I smiled. "So, now do we have a deal?"

"How do you know about this?" he demanded. A snarl playing on his lips as he waited expectantly for my reply.

"The purple turtle dropped a map that said Lair on it. I followed it before coming her and sure enough I found a house like thing that was being lived in." I was lying at this point. The instructions I was giving him would lead him to one of their old lairs. When Tunga managed to find it it would just look like they had left. And that wouldn't have been my fault.

"Only because you've been faithful and one of my most loyal accomplices. However!" He paused and backed me up into the wall. Slamming me up against it with strong, muscular arms he spoke. His warning very clear. "If I EVER find out that you've betrayed us I will kill you on the spot and ANYONE else that you hold dear." He paused again and smirked. "Although, that last part shouldn't be a problem, considering your back ground." He turned sharply on his heel and started yelling orders to other gang members. I scowled at him and left the building, and although I couldn't really call these people family or that place home it had been for 2 years. I had nowhere to go now and no one else. I was now completely and totally alone...

Before I could continue to contemplate this I heard shouting not too far away. I ran to investigate and groaned at what I saw. There was Raphael, the hotheaded turtle himself beating up a bunch of my now Ex-gang members. "Great, just great." I said out loud and hid behind a tree to watch.

"Get that green costume freak!" A familiar voice shouted from behind me. It was Tunga followed by lots of heavily armed and angry gang members.

I stood there and watched as the fight continued. Raphael was putting up a good fight considering he was greatly outnumbered. I saw Tunga standing a little ways off and holding a gun. He was aiming it at Raphael and fear rippled through my body. Stupid or not I picked up a rock and threw it at Tunga. It hit him square in the head, he jumped in surprise and pain but the gun went off. I screamed as I watched Raphael drop and now realized what I'd just done. I had killed another 'friend' and I was going to die as well. Tunga ran over to me and grabbing my arm tightly he threw me out onto the ground.

"What the Hell are you doing! You protecting this freak?!" He demanded and kicked me in the stomach. I gasped and struggled for air. "Answer me or I will blast your head off!" He was furious and held up the gun. I said nothing, still unable to speak and unsure of what to say. He waved over the last few conscious followers who came up to me and started to kick me around. I held my tongue and tried not to cry out in pain.

"Enough!" Tunga yelled after a few minutes and they backed away. I rolled over on my back and struggled to breath. I was cut and bleeding everywhere and my head was pounding. "I warned you Bethany, and I didn't want it to come to this but now I'm going to have to kill you!" He loaded the gun and I closed my eyes waiting to die. Instead I heard a loud yell and someone hitting the ground. I opened my eyes to see Raphael sitting on top of Tunga and punching him senseless. The rest of the gang was lying on the ground not moving. After a few moments Raphael stopped punching him and sat there, his breathing heavy and sweat pouring down his shell and arms. His one leg was bleeding and I knew that's where he'd been shot.

"Thank you." I managed to say.

He turned around and his brown eyes burned red with furry. "The only reason I kicked his sorry ass is so I could kick yours for being so damn stupid!" He growled.

"What? I saved you first! You didn't even know I was here!" I yelled back, struggling to my feet.

"I did so! I saw you go in there," he gestured to the abandoned building. "And I heard you talking with buddy over here and then your pals started to attack me and you."

"Why where you spying on me anyway!?" I demanded.

"I wasn't!" He spat. "I was out here and saw you go in there so I watched to see if you needed help."

"We'll that's very nice off you but I don't need saving or your help."

"We'll obviously you do because I just saved you!" He glowered at me.

"I wouldn't have needed saving if I hadn't saved you first!" I yelled back.

"I didn't need saving, especially from a traitorous girl!" He retorted. "Besides, what the hell are you doing with em anyway?"

"That's none of your damn business Raphael." I replied defiantly.

"We'll since I just saved you I'd say it is." He took a step towards me and a threatening tone entered his voice.

"We'll since we saved each other I'm not telling you anything!" I tried to stand up straighter but the throbbing in my head was getting worse and I was feeling faint.

"Fine then! Keep your dirty little secrets to yourself I don't really care! Just don't let me see your face ever again." He scowled and started to twirl his sai's.

Before I could say anything more I could feel my legs turning to jelly and everything started to fade to black. I reached out in a panic and felt myself fall into strong arms before I slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. :) Please Review! I would really like to know what you guys think. Thanks.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you everyone for reading and for reviewing. It means a lot to me and im sorry it took me ahile to post the next chapter. Life got crazy and all that. **

**Huge thank you to Allison Jalexa for Beta Reading this.**

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**Chapter Six**

"Ohh my head..." I moaned, my eyes fluttering open.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" A voice asked. I scanned the darkness around me and tried to figure out who was speaking.

"Whose there? Where am I?" I asked, trying to take in my surroundings.

The strange voice stepped out into the light. "Don't you recognize me?"

"No, it can't be!? You, you're dead..." I whispered, my heart leaping to my throat in disbelief.

"I'm not dead!? Are you ok Beth?"

"Katie?" I mouthed, still not believing my eyes. "No! You're dead and it's my fault. This, this can't be real!" I muttered, trying to wrap my head around the fact that standing right in front of me was Katie. My best friend and sister, well at least she was until I caused her death.

"Bethany..." Her voice echoed, she was mocking me now. "You are right, it is all your fault and I can never forgive you!" She cried out and laughed.

"No! No! I'm sorry!" I whimpered and shook my head.

"Bethany!" Katie said eerily and repeated my name over and over. It rang in my ears.

"No! No, go away!" I was crying now.

"Bethany? Wake up Bethany!" This time a different voice spoke and shook me gently.

"Huh?! What?" I sat up abruptly to see the blue masked turtle at my side. I was back in the lair and it was mostly dark. I was shaking and my face was pale and stained with fear.

"Hey, are you alright?" Leo asked, concern in his voice.

"Katie! She, she was here!" I panted and wiped away the sweat that was running down my forehead.

"Bethany you were having a bad dream. No one else is here."

"Oh, a bad dream." I said and nodded as if trying to convince myself of this. "Wait! Raphael! Is he here? Is he ok?" I rattled off questions.

"Raphael isn't here." He said firmly, some anger layered beneath his words. "And you were brought here after a fight with some gang members called DeathRow. You took quite a beating."

I suddenly realized that every inch of my body ached and I had bandages everywhere stained with crimson. "How did I get here?" I asked.

"Raphael brought you after you passed out." He informed me and sat down beside me on the bed.

"Where is he now? Is he alright?" I asked fearfully.

Leo gave an exasperated sigh. "I don't know where he is. He stormed off after bringing you here. I assume he is ok, he didn't really stay long enough for me to tell."

I nodded and lay back down on the bed. "Well thanks Leo..." I said

"You're welcome Bethany." He smiled and sat quietly for a minute. "Who's Katie...?" He asked cautiously.

I didn't answer but instead looked up at the ceiling and closed my eyes for a minute. I tried to hold back the tears and steady my breathing.

"Beth, what's wrong?" Leo asked and held my hand.

"I killed her Leo... It's all my fault and I killed her." I said at last. I sat up and hugged my knees to my chest. A single drop of liquid emotion fell from my cloudy blue eyes. It worked its way down my cheek, staining the surface in a shining trail of wetness.

"What did you do?" He asked curiously. Looking intently at me.

I hesitated but could hold it in no longer. I didn't really care if he truly listened to my story; I just needed to get it out.

"Well it's a long story but when I was 10 years old I ran away from home and my alcoholic dad. And I met this girl named Katie and we became close friends, Best friends even. And I ended up living with her and her family until I was 15. During those 5 years we did TaeKwon-Do together and that's where I learned my marital arts. I started to think I was invincible and stopped being so careful. But then one evening my dad found me and came after us." I paused and started to explain in more detail.

We had gone to the park that evening and it was getting dark. The only light was from the full moon in the sky. As we were walking back home I noticed a familiar shadow watching us a few feet off. Fear rippled through me as the unwelcome figure followed us from a distance as we headed home.

"Katie are you coming?" my fifteen year old self asked hurriedly as I tried to rush her home.

"I'm coming; I just don't understand why you are suddenly in a rush."

"We need to get into a crowded area is all." I said, trying to sound calm. "And this is the fastest way." I pointed to an alleyway that now stood before us.

"Are you sure it's safe to go through an alley at night?" she asked cautiously.

"It'll be fine and besides, I can't take care of us and I've got my knife with me." I convinced her assuredly.

"Alright." Katie agreed reluctantly and we entered the alley. After quickly walking for a few minutes in silence she spoke. "So why are we going this way again?"

"Because it's the fastest way to get into the center of town and I don't have time to explain why." I tried to hurry her along and ignore what I was sure was footsteps behind us.

"What's going on Beth?" she stopped and crossed her arms stubbornly.

"Katie I can't tell you right now but trust me. We have to go, now!" fear laced my voice as I saw a shadow of a man coming toward us. My heart was racing now and I felt as if every inch of my body was paralyzed.

"Not so fast girls." The painfully familiar voice said. He lit a lantern that was in his hand, illuminating the alley and the figure before us.

"Who is that?" Katie asked, panic in her voice as she gripped my arm in fear.

"That's my dad..." I replied, terror pulsing through my veins.

"You said he was dead?" Katie blurted out in confusion and horror.

"My father died many years ago, this is just an evil man who used to be my father." I confessed. The hatred I felt for this man now bubbling up within me as I stood, face to face with him.

"Enough talk! Now Bethany, you will come back home with me like a good little girl or I will shoot your friend." He threatened and pulled out a gun. He pointed it at her head and Katie screamed and started to cry.

"No! Please let her go! This has nothing to do with her!" I pleaded desperately. My heart breaking with every second as I watched her cry and tremble uncontrollably, the gun still pointed at her head.

"Don't go back with him Bethany! You can't!" She whimpered and pleaded with me.

"I don't have a choice! You will die if I don't!" Despair thick in my voice.

"But then you will die!" Katie wept, quivering as he loaded the gun, becoming impatient and iterated.

"No, no! Please! I will go back with you, do whatever you want. Just please, please let her go!" I pleaded and gripped his arm with my free one; Katie was still grasping my other arm in a death grip.

"Then let's go!" He growled and started to lead me away.

"Nooo!" Katie screamed and tried to pull me away from him.

He turned around and punched her repeatedly, blood dripping from the corners of her mouth. Her screams of pain rang agonizingly in my ears, sending waves of guilt crashing through me as I realized her pain was all my fault.

"Stop it! Leave her alone!" I cried and pulling out my knife that Katie had given me as a present, I stabbed him in the side.

He shrieked in pain and turned his drunken furry on me. "I shoulda just killed you when I had the chance girl. You're too much like your mother!"

"Don't you ever talk about my mother like that!" I screamed at him, the blood from the knife dripping on my hands. I tried to attack him again but my blade missed its intended mark. I managed to cut him across the face and I left a bloody gash and made him cry out in pain once more. He grabbed Katie in a tight grasp and held the gun to her back. She shrieked again and continued to cry, blood now mixing with the tears.

"Bethany! Please, you have to do something!" Her voice and desperate sobs burned through my soul. But I couldn't do anything to save her because he pulled the trigger. The shot rang out in the night air and cursed through me as I watched her fall to the ground in a bloody heap, her breathing coming in shallow gasps.

"Katie!" I shrieked, my voice rang out into the darkness, and never again will you hear a cry so filled with anguish and pain as the one I cried that night. I shoved my dad out of the way and fell at her side.

"Beth…" she whispered weakly and coughed up blood.

"Shh, I'm here, I'm here. It's going to be ok; you're going to be ok." I rambled.

"Do you think heaven is beautiful?" she asked as the color started draining from her face.

"Katie don't say stuff like that, you're not going anywhere! I need you! You're all I have left!" I shook her a little, as if trying to keep her awake and stop her from dying. I felt as if I had been slapped in the face. She couldn't die, she just couldn't!

"Beth, I want- you – to- know-" she said between hard breaths and coughed up more blood. "I- love you- you- were my- sister…" she finished and her chest rose and fell one final time and then she was gone. My bright blue eyes stared at her pale, lifeless face for a moment, I couldn't believe she was gone and I felt the life drain from within me as I sat there by her side. My eyes began to lose all color and vibrancy and became a steady and stormy grey with flecks of blue and I could feel my shattered heart bleeding in anguish.

"No... NOOO!" I screamed and pounded the ground with my fists. "Noo…" I whispered again and the pain I felt in my heart could never be equaled. I had just lost everything… But soon my pain was replaced with utter hatred as hot, angry tears ran from my lifeless eyes. I turned to the man with the gun. "You monster! I hate you! Mom should be glad she died all those years ago so she could be rid of you. And while you're at it you may as well kill me too! You've done everything else to me!" I yelled at him. I expected him to lash out and kill me; I wanted him to kill me. But what he did shocked me instead.

I stopped my story there, not wishing to continue. I no longer cared about being strong and let my tears flow freely. Leo remained quiet for a few minutes before wiping my tears away. He lifted my chin to look in my sad grey eyes, he spoke very gently and clearly.

"Bethany I am so sorry you had to go through all that. But there is nothing else you could've done and it's not your fault. I'm sure Katie does not blame you for what happened and would want you to be happy again."

"That's easy for you to say when you haven't been the cause of a loved one's death." I replied hotly.

Leo only looked at the floor. Awkward silence filled the room for a few minutes before Leo spoke again.

"I may not have caused their death but I have caused my brothers much pain and that's enough. And every time we go out to fight I risk their lives. As a leader the death of my family is something I face every day. Every time we leave the lair I risk the fact that something could happen to Master Splinter..." He paused and guilt washed over me as I realized Leo knew how I felt.

"How is Master Splinter?" I asked quietly.

"He's doing well. The Daimyo said he's doing just fine and has started going for short walks in the morning."

"That's fantastic!" I said and half smiled; glad for the change in subjects and glad that Master Splinter was ok. We continued to talk for awhile and I could feel Leo getting closer to me as we talked. He had his hand on mine again and truthfully I didn't mind.

"Bethany?" he asked suddenly, interrupting my sentence.

"Yeah?" I asked.

He didn't answer but instead he leaned in and planted his lips on mine. I was startled at first and unsure how to react. For a minute I started to kiss him back but realized what I was doing and pushed him off of me.

"What the hell are doing?!" I demanded.

"I, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry Bethany, I shouldn't have kissed you." Leo apologized sheepishly, shocked at his own actions.

"Leo…" I stammered, my heart and mind was racing and I was at a loss for words. I felt this strange urge to get closer to Leo and I wanted to kiss him again, I wanted to love someone and be loved. But I also wanted to push him away and distance myself from him. He could only do me harm in the long run and it wasn't worth the pain, or was it?

"Bethany I am so sorry." Leo apologized again and looked down at the floor, ashamed.

"Please just go." I pointed at the door. Leo nodded and left me alone. After he was gone I started to cry again. "I'm so stupid! I never should've told Leo anything! Now he thinks I'm weak and vulnerable. And why did he have to kiss me!?" I groaned and hit my head on the pillow.

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**So yeah, that's Chapter Six. :) I hope you guys liked it even if it was a bit sad. Please tell me if you liked it and if it made you sad. Please Review! Thanks again. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Sorry it took awhile for me to get this Chapter out. And I know its short but I promise yoyu the next Chapter is really long and interesting. But thank you for reading and please enjoy! And please Review!**

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

The next morning I crawled out of bed painfully and made my way to the kitchen. It was still dark and I couldn't hear anyone else making noise but shrugged that off. No one else was in the kitchen so I found the cereal and milk and was eating breakfast when Leo walked in.

"Oh!" He said startled. "You're up early? Did you sleep alright?" He asked.

"Hi Leo... And what time is it?" I asked, ignoring the last question. He didn't need to know that I had nightmares all night or that I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about him kissing me.

"It's 5:30 in the morning..." He sat down across from me. I nodded and stirred my cereal around. We sat in silence until Leo spoke again. "So, I'm ah sorry about last night. It was wrong of me and I still can't believe I did that."

"No its, its ok Leo. You just caught me by surprise" I said and I sat up straighter and looked at him closely. "Look Leo, I haven't loved anyone in two years and I don't even know if I know how to love anyone anymore. Katie meant everything to me and when she was killed... Well I promised I would never love anyone else ever again. It wasn't hard really; I'd already been shutting down my emotions for a while and there wasn't really anyone around for me to care about." I looked sadly at the floor.

"Bethany I understand. I would probably feel the same if something happened to Master Splinter or-" Leo started to say but I cut him off.

"No Leo you wouldn't! And you know why? Because you have to stay strong for your brothers! It's your job and who you are. Sure you would be sad but you wouldn't shut everyone out. You couldn't." I said firmly. He looked like he was about to argue but closed his mouth again. I gave him a smile that didn't reach my eyes. "But please, don't feel sorry for me. It's not your fault and I don't need your love. I'm just fine on my own." I said but wasn't convincing myself. The small voice in my head was yelling _"liar!"_ I ignored it though.

"Bethany, I don't think you're as strong as you pretend to be or tell yourself you are." Leo said. I opened my mouth to argue but I thought about what he had just said, and the truth is that he was probably right. If I didn't believe my act anymore how could they...?

"And maybe you don't need love but what about friendship and a family?" He offered.

"Well maybe I could use some friends..." I said slowly and felt some of the walls begin to crack as Leo smiled. "But I don't know what a family is."

"Well I can help with that." He beamed at me. "A family is always there for you when others aren't. They have your back and best interests at heart. Family's fight together and laugh together. And a family is where you can be yourself and not who you pretend to be." Leo finished off.

"And families give hugs!" A voice yelled from the doorway making us jump. I suddenly felt two arms giving me a tight hug from behind and Mikey's happy little face peered over my shoulder. I felt the warmth of his hug rush through me and I smiled for real this time.

"So what did I miss?" Donnie asked coming into the kitchen.

"Bethany is officially part of the family now!" Mikey said ecstatically.

"I thought she already was." Donnie said.

I giggled at this. "Well now it's official I guess." I smiled and the day continued peacefully. And though I had done a terrible job trying to act as if I didn't care I was glad that I had opened up to them a little. I felt strangely glad that I was lowering my walls, but I was scared at the same time. A small part of me knew that if anything happened now I would never recover from it and it would destroy me. But I shook that thought away for now and decided to go and have fun with my family.

"Family…" I whispered happily and grinned like an idiot.

As the weeks went on I was slowly able to lower some of the walls and I decided to learn some Ninjitsu and let Leo train me. And so I continued to live with the turtles to everyone's happiness. Well everyone except Raphael that is. And it's funny, the more I ignored him and spent time with the others the more he seemed to hate me. And oddly enough this made me sad but when I tried to reach out to him he acted as if I had the plague and my actions were received like a backhand. And so I spent a lot of time with Leo and tonight we were sitting on a rooftop and looking out over New York. It was peaceful and quiet, well as peaceful and quiet as New York gets anyway.

"Hey Beth?" Leo asked cautiously.

"Yeah?" I replied. His voice had sparked some curiosity in me and I was eager to hear his question.

"Well here's the thing." He scratched his neck nervously. "Remember that night kissed you?"

"Yeah... What about it?" I have him a puzzled look.

"Well you see I was sorta wondering if maybe, well what I was going to say, what I mean is..." He babbled.

"Leo just ask me whatever it is you want to ask." I was becoming impatient but found his awkwardness a little funny.

"Well I guess what I'm trying to say is this. I care about you a lot Bethany and well I was sorta hoping you might feel the same?" He looked at me nervously.

I was shocked and unsure how to respond to this. Sure I liked Leo as a friend and all and I had made progress in dropping some walls and letting them in and stuff. But was I really ready to be in love and love someone else? Did I even like Leo? These questions where whirling around until I realized Leo was still waiting for a reply.

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to speak. "Look Leo, as you know I'm not really great at love and relationships. You know how broken I am... And truthfully I don't even know if I really want to be loved right now." I paused. "But, I do know that I am making progress and maybe being loved will help me. I don't know..."

He nodded but looked a little disappointed. "But maybe we could give this a try?" I said cautiously and looked at him with a curious look on my face.

"Bethany if you're sure and not just saying that?" he asked slowly.

"I'm sure." I whispered.

"Thank you Beth. I will understand if you think you're not ready for this though." He gave me an assuring smile.

"So what do we do know?" I asked.

"Well we could try that kiss again..." Leo suggested slowly. He leaned over and for the second time our lips met and this time I didn't push him away. I felt something I had never felt before tugging at my heart. We didn't go very deep with the kiss as Leo understood that I wanted to go slow. I pulled away and smiled at him, a look of content on my face as I stared into his blue eyes.

"Bethany you are so beautiful." He said and brushed a lock of brown curls behind my ear. I turned slightly pink and turned my head to hide my face. He lifted my chin. "I mean it." He said intently. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt surprisingly comforted by his touch and the warmth of his embrace. We sat like that for a while and I felt at peace for once, but alas it wasn't going to last…

But for now at least things where not so terrible and the week that followed was also decent. Leo and I hung out more and I found myself being strangely open around him and desiring to open up. This amazed me and terrified me all at the same time.

Everyday my eyes became brighter and my smile bigger, laugh louder, and I felt happier than I had in a long time. But then Leo decided to go and visit Master Splinter and asked me to come along. Fear took over me again and I couldn't bring myself to go along, I didn't want anything to happen to Master Splinter if I went. The guilt washed over me as thought about how I was responsible for his heart attack and it still weighed heavily on my shoulders. And Raphael's accusing words struck my heart again regardless of how much Leo tried to tell me it wasn't my fault I couldn't seem to change my mind about this fact.

"No Leo!" I yelled and crossed my arms stubbornly.

"Well why not?" Leo asked harshly.

"I already told you I don't want to go see Master Splinter. If he's almost better I don't want to wreck things."

"He's going to have to see you sometime and it wasn't your fault anyway." Leo pointed out.

"Raphael sure doesn't think so." My tone softened as I thought sadly of the red clad turtle. He had gone from yelling at me to flat out ignoring me.

"Why are you dragging him into this! He is wrong anyway! It wasn't your fault and you should come with me to see Master Splinter!" Leo was becoming agitated now.

"You're not always right Leo! And unlike your brothers I'm not going to listen to everything you tell me to do. I'm staying here!"

Leo threw his hands up in exasperation. "Fine! I will see you in three days! Whatever. Donnie's in charge and the others know. See ya later!" He yelled as he walked away.

I stormed out of the lair and put my headphones in. Music was blaring in my ears as I stormed around furiously. Now either I have the worst of luck or I'm just this good but I walked right into my dad. And he didn't look very happy to see me.

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**So yeah, hope you guys liked this Chapter and I hope you will keep reading. :) Please Review and let me know your thoughts on the Chapter. **


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